WARNING: MOOD BRA PREDICTS YOUR FUTURE

mood bra

Breaking news from Microsoft is that they have designed a ‘mood bra’ that measures a woman’s mood in order to prevent emotional eating and that this ‘smart textiles’ technology could be available in ten years.

With several removable sensors (presumably for washing or when you are going out to dinner?) the bra can monitor your heart rate, breathing, skin activity and movement and can apparently predict when you will be more likely to seek food as stress relief.

Why? Because you have always wanted your bra to tell you when you are about to feel hungry. Haven’t you always wanted this?

But is a person who is likely to over-eat due to an emotional need really going to listen to their underwear?

Hmmm.

I currently ‘suffer’ from pregnancy and subsequently from some impulse eating issues. My boobs have very little to do with it and I am not sure that a message from my bra warning me of my hunger before it happens would be listened to, heeded or, indeed, needed.

“Warning – you are about to want a donut.” (walking past a bakery)

‘Warning – you are about to eat your toddler’s food’ (of course I am)

(Thanks mood bra. Now give me some directions or do something useful…)

Microsoft says that ‘a real-world smart bra would need to be made more comfortable and have better battery life’ but I think they are missing the real foibles of the design.

Smart underwear – is there really a need for this?

Here are eleven warnings that a bra might actually be usefully programmed for:

1)      That man is staring at your boobs

2)      Your nipples have escaped.

3)      Your left boob is leaking.

4)      Your right boob is leaking.

5)      You better find your baby soon – these puppies are filling up fast.

6)      Bra is wet and needs to be changed before t-shirt leak is visible.

7)      Breast pads have malfunctioned.

8)      It is too cold for this type of top

9)      Boobs are pointing in contradictory directions

10)   You have outgrown this bra

11)   It is time to get a new bra.

Such useful warnings. Thanks brainy bra.

‘You will feel like you need to eat soon’ is somehow not nearly as useful – and is just as likely to make me more moody. Thanks mood bra – now I know why you are really called a mood bra. I am not in the mood to listen to you…

What do you think? Would you wear a mood bra?

Or, if your boobs could talk – what would you want them to say?

Outie: from belly bumps to boo-boos, boobies to babies – we have got you covered.

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